All In One Package
by Kinky Hyphen
Summary: Where Suigetsu finds himself covering his balls with a box of fish flakes. Chapter One: Great. Just freakin' great. The cute redheaded delivery girl freaking saved me from the skanky fangirls, and left me on my doorstep with a really bad erection. SuiKa
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

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Suigetsu tried to concentrate as Shikamaru explained a new plan to help further their companies.

"You're not listening, are you," the brown-haired man said grumpily, lighting up a Camel. "Troublesome."

"Sorry." the white-haired man apologized sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. "It's the end of the day and everything. You're lucky to be married and not have all the psycho gold-digger girls stalking you."

"Temari still gets troublesome threats." he blew out a plume of smoke as he watched a single woman screech at the sight of the violet-eyed man and set off a chain reaction.

"Ohmygod! Suigetsu-kun! I love you!"

"Don't listen to her! She only _likes_ you! I love you, Sui-kun!"

"She's a bitch and kisses like a dog! I can make you feel wonderful, Suuiii-kunnnnn!"

And it went on as hundreds of scantily-clad females mobbed him.

Suigetsu wasn't going to lie. It took him a bit… okay, a while to get out of the women's clutches.

What made him mad the most was the little rip on his shirt, and the fact that Shikamaru sat idly by with the diminishing cigarette between his lips, waving a lazy goodbye.

He managed to make it back to his work place without too much hassle, something he dearly thanked Kami for.

Without hesitation, Suigetsu logged onto his Mac computer with a sigh.

This day was beginning to be too long for his brain.

And his conversation with Shikamaru about trying to figure out company business didn't do too well since they went off topic more than once. Could this day get any worse?

The lavender eyed man knew it could when he heard the sound of shoes coming towards his door.

He looked from his computer screen to his door, to see Juugo, his friend and personal messenger.

As usual the big man carried an arm full of files and dropped them on his desk.

Suigetsu quirked at silver eyebrow at the amount of work on set in front of him but dismissed it. The amount was usually more than that.

As Juugo walked out of the glass door, he murmured a remark. "Haruno-san would like to see you."

Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Where is she?"

"Downstairs, in the lobby." and with those words, Juugo quietly shut the door.

Suigetsu pushed himself out of the rolling chair and headed to the elevator. He waited the two minutes from the twenty second floor to the first floor with a few stops in between.

He then walked across the well decorated lobby and stopped when he noticed Sakura Haruno sitting with a book in a far corner.

As he continued walking to the woman, he knew why she was the one of important people of his job.

She was always punctual, gave great presentations, and said nothing but critically useful, good remarks.

She was never a person to fool with. Sometimes her looks got the better of her to mislead that. She gave off the look of a teenager with the squarely shaped glasses, light, colourful makeup and pink hair.

The only thing made her look a bit older was dark blue suit. The low cut jacket gave a view of the silver locket lying against her neck.

And the electric blue shoes made wandering eyes trace from the pointed heel all the way to the shortness of her skirt. He noticed the lack of rings on her fingers as she turned the page.

If he recalled a couple weeks ago, Sakura and an old friend of his, Sasuke Uchiha had broken up. Suigetsu could tell it troubled the girl because she became like more of her mentor, Tsunade. Who in their right mind would break up with either Sasuke or Sakura?

He froze when Sakura's lime green eyes met his violet ones. She got up off the chair and closed her book. She then made a motion for Suigetsu to follow. He followed and she led them outside on the busy streets of New York. He gave her a glance over and watched as she hailed a taxi.

She pursed her lips a second to fix her lip gloss and spoke. "Tell Nara-san to send me the plan." and with a spin on her electric blue pumps, she strode into a waiting cab.

He was too stunned to move, let alone speak.

Why he was stunned, her couldn't figure out.

What was puzzling him the most was the fact she called him all the way down here to tell Shikamaru something.

She could have easily requested the lazy chain smoker, but she called him instead. Sure, Shikamaru was too lazy to come down stairs every once in while, but it was still apart of his job.

Suigetsu ran a pale hand threw his choppy silver locks as he made a beeline to the elevator. No, his day couldn't get any worse.

* * *

He made it back to his penthouse apartment around six-thirty relatively unscathed.

He made himself a sandwich, and went to feed his fish in his aquarium.

Aquarium really was the only way to describe it; t was a maze of glass rectangles and a couple walls connected that ran all around his apartment in every room, including the bathrooms. He had built it himself.

He tossed a couple frozen shrimp in the separate piranha wall, and watched with boyish happiness as his three carnivorous dinner-plate-sized pets attacked the floating food.

Suigetsu then wandered off to sprinkle an entire box of flakes around his apartment tanks, watching as various freshwater fish and saltwater fish nibbled at the food.

He needed to add a couple more of those sea urchins, he mused. The amount of algae was getting out of hand again. And some of that really cool green hammer coral.

A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts, and he stumbled to answer it.

"Are you the resident of the penthouse?"

And Suigetsu nearly dropped the rest of his fish flakes.

For the first time in five years, without the help of Naruto's porn or some chick grabbing him, he felt…curiously concupiscent.

Because in front of him was definitely the most beautiful girl he had ever seen _covered up._

She was wearing a thin navy blue cardigan, a bright green male scoop-neck tank top (which meant no cleavage preview), black jeans and purple flip flops.

She even had black-rimmed glasses! (Which only served to enhance her somewhat sexy-librarian look, and for all it did to him was increase his now-crazy heart rate and blood pressure down below.)

"Hello?" she waved a plum-varnished hand in front of his face.

Milky-pale skin with a hint of peach, cheeks that seemed that they would blush very prettily, pouty pink lips that glistened with the dull sheen of ChapStick, odd magenta eyes, and equally fiery red hair-

"Hey, aquaman!" she snapped, poking him in the chest. "I have a package for you that you have to sign for!"

Only then did he snap out of his self-induced trance.

"Sorry. Where do you want me to sign?"

"Right here." she pointed at the dotted line on the sheet on her clipboard.

He easily scribbled his name down.

She shoved a very wide and long package marked with a dozen 'Fragile' stickers on it to him, sliding it across the plush floor. "If you don't mind me asking, but what's inside it? It took me like an hour to get it into the elevator." she gestured around the corner, where the elevator sat.

"Sheets of glass for my aquariums." he answered shortly, awkwardly turning away from her and discreetly stopped covering his balls with the flake box and carefully sliding the glass inside.

"Cool. Anyways, see you-"

A loud chorus of giggling echoed from the direction of the elevator.

Suigetsu froze, a look of terror marring his face.

He was so busy feeling terrified that he didn't notice the calculating look of the redheaded girl in front of him.

She glanced down at her clipboard at the freshly signed name as the giggling voices drew nearer.

"Like ohmygod! I can't believe we're in Sui-kun's apartment building!"

"I know! I'm gonna get to him first!"

"No way, you bitch. I'm going to!"

He was frantically trying to figure out an escape route because the fan girls would definitely knock his door down.

Without warning, the delivery girl wound her arms around his neck just as the first three girls came into view.

"Play along." the redheaded girl whispered urgently.

Too confused to even think, he automatically wound his arms around her torso, allowing his hands to hold her waist.

She seemed to simply melt into him.

The three girls stopped short, with another five girls bumping into them.

"Wha…YOU WHORE! GET OFF MY SUIGETSU!" one of the girls screamed in horror.

"…excuse me, you're interrupting my moment with my boyfriend." the delivery girl purred.

The purrs vibrated against his chest as she pressed against him.

"…boyfriend?" another one of them parroted timidly.

"What else does it look like? Stand-up CPR?" the glasses-wearing girl said silkily. She pressed a very hot kiss to his collarbone that seemed to sear his sweating skin.

She looked up at him, her devilish magenta eyes half-lidded and sultry.

"Sui-kun! Tell us that's not true and it's some bitch throwing herself at you!" the apparent lead shank-girl shrieked.

"She's my girlfriend." he said dazedly.

"Prove it!" she shrieked again.

"We don't have to prove anything." the redheaded girl spoke up again, glaring at the other girl. "Especially to the likes of unimportant people like you and your merry band of sluts. Shoo."

The girls backed away in shock, and disappeared around the corner.

The redheaded girl untangled herself from him.

"That's about…a thousand dollars, no tax. Send the cheque to Haruno Sakura." she picked up her fallen clipboard, and walked away to the stairs as if nothing happened.

Suigetsu fell to the floor.

He owed Shikamaru Sakura's message.

He owed Sakura a thousand dollars.

And he had a raging hard-on, and no woman to share it with.

* * *

_Uh. Hahhahah._

_If you haven't figured it out already, it's KinkyK and hypheniated collabing, see?_

_Expectation- LEMONS-K's thing. TENSION-hyphen's thing. etcetera, etecetera. What else do you expect from us?  
_

_REVIEW, lovelies, review. PLEASE?_


	2. Chapter 2

_hypheniated wishes people would jump on the SuiKa bandwagon more than hating Karin :D spread the news to the Karin-haters, there's a boy for her XD  
_

Chapter Two

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Suigetsu glared at the pen in his hand waiting to glide across the light blue paper of his check book.

Writing a thousand dollar check was something he'd rather not do.

Sure, sharing his hard-on with that amazingly genius delivery girl would have been perfect.

This on the other hand….

Even with his boner gone and more glass for building more aquariums, just giving away a thousand dollars is really something he wasn't too mentally prepared for.

His violet eyes then darted over to his touch screen phone. He'd rather call up Shikamaru and distract himself.

And there was that thing he was supposed to tell him.

Suigetsu shrugged and grabbed his phone. He fingered through his contacts before finding Shikamaru under 'The Chain Smoker'.

He made the name up for him in high school when they had a super hero project in art class, and because it sounded cool when you say it in an announcer voice, and of course he got an A _plus_.

"What do you want?" Shikamaru mumbled over the phone.

Suigetsu frowned. "Fine, if you don't wanna hear important information from Sakura, I can just hang up."

"Okay. Your point?" the other replied with a sigh.

"Why don't you just accept my call and ask for the information?" the white-haired man retorted, hearing another sigh from over the phone.

"Because I know that you're only calling me to distract yourself from doing something else."

"…So?" Suigetsu replied after muttering something about smart ass friends.

"Do you really need to tell me something, or are you gonna waste my time, Hozuki?"

"Fine! Don't get so grumpy. Go smoke a cigarette and kill yourself faster. I can wait." he snapped back.

"Suigetsu…." Shikamaru said warningly.

Suigetsu folded. "Okay, okay, Sakura just said in her smooth-like Sakura voice 'Tell Nara-san to send me the plan' and that was it."

"Fine. Bye."

And with that The Chain Smoker hung up.

Now more time to write checks.

Suigetsu brushed his fingers against the touch screen of his phone in search of Sakura's number. He knew Shikamaru gave it to him once.

His smile graced his lips when he found her name under 'The Head Bitch'. Something he would have to thank Sasuke for later.

His finger grazed the call button. He waited patiently while the phone rang.

"Hello." her voice was business-like. "Sakura Haruno."

"Hey, Sakura, it's Suigetsu. I gave Shikamaru your message."

"Oh, did you get my package?" she asked calmly.

"Yeah, I did. That's what I'm calling about. Um, may I ask what is it for?" he asked curiously.

"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies, Hozuki."

And of course, she hung up.

Suigetsu didn't realize he was mouth was wide open till he saw his reflection in glass laying on the floor.

But seriously, what had he done to deserve this?

He once more grabbed the pen and looked down at his check book. Haruno Sakura was definitely The Head Bitch.

He scribbled down the amount, fed up, and scrawled his name before tossing the damn thing in the direction of the door.

Snatching a wooden ruler and a non-toxic Sharpie, he kneeled carefully over the glass, and began to divide it up.

Listening to the insistent humming of the water filters, he relished in his work, dragging the glass to his table saw, and slowly slicing it up when his cell phone rang again.

Shutting down the machine, he answered.

"Suigetsu here."

"Hey. It's Sasuke. Buzz me in."

Three minutes later, the pair were lying on his leather couch.

The white-haired man waited patiently for his friend to speak.

"I got problems."

"Of course you do. You Uchihas all have problems." Suigetsu said absently. "Except your mother."

"Hn." the black-haired man glared, and relaxed. "I meant about Sakura."

"Why the hell is it always Sakura?" the violet-eyed man grumbled.

"What do you mean it's always Sakura?"

"She…never mind. On with your problems?"

"Completely ignoring me. Sends her annoying assistant instead of herself."

"Shithead, she doesn't want to associate with you."

"…but she should. It's her job."

"Ah, no, last time I checked, you used to send your damn assistant everywhere, I used to send my assistant everywhere before I fired her and got Juugo and then I sent him everywhere, the Hyugas and Sabakus and Naruto send their assistants everywhere. She's allowed to send her assistant too."

Sasuke fell silent, shooting silent daggers at the ceiling.

The other man sighed. "You want to see her, don't you?"

"Hn."

"I don't care what the fuck 'hn' means. But I have a cheque to give to Sakura if you want to discreetly see her, you guilty butthole. Tell her I was too damn lazy to give her the cheque. You can thank me later."

He grinned with his teeth as Sasuke, as slowly as possible to show that he wasn't impatient but he really was, got up.

"Where's the cheque?"

"Somewhere by the door. Enjoy yourself. Bye, Sasuke."

He laughed as the Uchiha fumbled for the slip of paper, and walked quickly to the door.

As soon as Suigetsu heard the door slam, he remembered he also had to give something to the Uchiha.

That stupid package Sakura sent him was for Sasuke. He guessed she didn't feel like doing the assistant thing, or she was simply associating with him to prove something to Sasuke.

He never really thought that far. He opened the box and the first thing he saw was Sasuke's name in big bold letters on another box.

It was a box concealed in another box, so he didn't bother to open the box to see or find out what is was.

"Fuck it." he mumbled to himself.

If Sasuke was gonna go see Sakura, most likely the package would be brought up and then the Uchiha would come and get it.

Hopefully the two will get back together so he wouldn't have to pass things back and forth.

Though having Sasuke as a messenger boy would be nice too….

Suigetsu shook the thought out of his head before he headed back to his glass station.

He eventually settled back into his rhythm till he was almost done.

While being on his last piece of glass, his mind wandered over the red headed beauty who delivered it to him.

Who the hell was she, anyways? And how did she get away with looking gorgeous with almost-nerdy glasses?

Fingering the keypad of his cell, he was tempted to call the pink-haired woman, but decided against it. It could possibly ruin the chances of Sasuke and her getting back together.

How did the two women know each other? They didn't look related, and had completely different jobs.

He groaned loudly in frustration, only to see the girl in his mind's eye, smiling devilishly.

He groaned even more loudly when he felt the blood rushing to his groin.

Suigetsu supposed the shower was the best way to deal with the damn thing, and fled to the sanctuary of his bathroom.

* * *

Karin tossed her clipboard into her ugly white and red delivery truck and languorously stretched.

Her cellphone chimed prettily.

"Why, hello, Mr Hatake. What can I do for you tonight?" she purred into the receiver as she climbed into the driver's cab. "No, no, I'm not busy at all!"

She listened for a few moments.

"I see. Well, the cost would be about…would six thousand be okay? For the entire night, of course, silly boy. I suppose I could meet you there, if you like? Or would you be so gentlemanly so to pick me up?" she teased, pushing her glasses up her small nose. "I'll be ready by seven, if that's all right?"

Karin stuffed the key into the ignition.

"Sounds lovely. I am looking so forward to this. See you soon!" she bid him goodbye, and tossed the phone into her purse beside her, a sly smile on her face.

* * *

_Review? :D_


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